Fuck appropriateness.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize