I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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