But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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