so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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