I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
