You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
