i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
