i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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