girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
