I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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