i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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