my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
