this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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