why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
