If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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