last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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