Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
