Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
