why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
