i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
