I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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