What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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