Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
