Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
