i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Holy shit dude........stairs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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