capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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