I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
