he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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