that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
