Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize