No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
