my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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