Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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