Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
