So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
