whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
