wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
