Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
