I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I want is dick and wine.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
