its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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