So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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