At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
