you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
