when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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