btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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