ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
