im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
