I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
