before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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