Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
