I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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