drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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