my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My life is pants optional.
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