you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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