you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
