you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
