Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
