come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
