I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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