Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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