I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
