Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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