Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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