Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
