my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
