I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
