I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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