I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
