doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Houston, we have a squirter
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
